Scene Four: Thursday, July 12 2007:
Including and Engaging People who are Transgender and Bisexual in the Workplace
FAQs plus answers to questions generated at the session
By Jillian Weiss and Robyn Ochs
Q: How can I tell if someone is gay, lesbian or bisexual?
A: Only if they self-identify as such. Sexual orientation in our society is by self-identification. Many people have attractions to people of different sexes, but do not identify with the labels "gay," "lesbian" or "bisexual."
Q: If a woman dates another woman, is she lesbian?
A: Not necessarily. She may identify as straight, bisexual or something else.
Q: If a man dates a transgender woman who transitioned from male to female, is he gay?
A: Not necessarily. He may identify as straight or bisexual.
Q: Is it appropriate to ask an openly bisexual co-worker whether they prefer men or women?
A: It is generally considered unduly personal to ask questions about one's sexual partners in the workplace, regardless of sexual orientation. It would be inappropriate to ask a straight co-worker "who are your sexual partners?" Some work relationships will support an interest in a co-worker's partner, particularly if a partner is not feeling well. Generally, however, an undue interest in a co-worker's romantic partners is inappropriate.
Q: Are bisexual people equally attracted to men and women?
A: Just as a straight person is attracted to a small percentage of persons of the opposite sex, it is incorrect to assume that a bisexual person is indiscriminately attracted to all men and all women. In addition, there are wide variations among bisexual persons, and many have a non-exclusive preference for one gender or another. For example, a bisexual man may find that, of that small percentage of people to whom they are attracted, many are women, but some are men.
Q: Do bisexuals date both men and women at the same time?
A: Not necessarily. Just as many straight and gay people do, many bisexuals practice serial monogamy, meaning that they date one person at a time, and may choose to make a lifetime commitment to one person. Just as some straight and gay people do, however, some bisexuals date more than one person at a time, and may wind up dating both men and women at the same time. However, this is not implied in the term "bisexuality." It is also important to distinguish bisexuality from "polyamory." "Polyamory" refers to committed non-monogamy, in which a person openly has a relationship with more than one person at a time, separately or all together, with the partners aware of one another, and consenting to share the relationship. People of any sexual orientation can be polyamorous.
Q: Are bisexual and transgender people part of the gay community, or are they separate communities?
A: There is a substantial amount of overlap among sexual minorities. At one time in US history, bisexual and transgender people were part of the "homosexual community." Over the years, as different identities sought specific recognition and acknowledgement of their legitimacy, the gay community expanded to specifically include lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders, hence the acronym GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender). Thus, bisexual and transgender people are definitely part of the GLBT community, and they are also separate communities. It is important to note that, while most gay and lesbian people consider bisexual and transgender people to be part of their community, some gays and lesbians consider their political issues to be different and at odds with the political issues of bisexual and transgender people.
Q: I've heard that some people identify "bisexual" to avoid the negative connotation of homosexuality, and that all bisexuals are really gay. Is this true?
A: Given that bisexual identity comes with its own set of negative stereotypes, it is illogical to believe that someone coming out as bisexual will avoid stigma or discrimination. If one were interested in passing as a non-homosexual, it would be much simpler and easier to label oneself as straight. That said, any identity can be a phase, and some people identify as bisexual before coming out later as lesbian or gay. Similarly, some people identify as homosexual or heterosexual before becoming out as bisexual.
Q: I've heard some people say that identifying as "bisexual" is a way of experimenting with homosexuality with no commitment, and that all bisexuals are really straight. Is this true?
A: This is a common stereotype. Some lesbians and gay men fear that the privileges of heterosexual relationships and the discrimination faced by those in same-sex relationships are so compelling that anyone who could possibly be in a heterosexual relationship will ultimately choose to do so. In fact, some gay people are prejudiced against entering into romantic relationships with bisexual people, on the false grounds that the bisexual will always eventually retreat to a mixed-sex relationship. This may be the case for some bisexuals, just as it is the case with some gay men and some lesbians. However, there are many bisexuals happily in same-sex relationships.
Q: How do I address a transgender person?
A: One should use the person's preferred name, pronoun and title (Mister, Miss or Ms.) regardless of what other identification may say. Respect for name, pronoun and title provides basic dignity for transgender employees.
Q: What can I ask him or her about transgender identity?
A: If you are unsure of an employee's gender identity, it is appropriate to ask about their gender identity (e.g. "what is your gender identity?"), the preferred pronoun ("do you prefer "he" or "she"?) and the preferred title (do you prefer Mister or Ms?). It is inappropriate to ask transgender employees about details of medical or surgical history, particularly the status of genitalia. Discrimination is prohibited on the basis of "gender identity," regardless of biological sex.
Q: What if I make a mistake?
Because most people have not been exposed to gender transition, it is likely that co-workers will occasionally make mistakes in name or pronoun usage. If you find that you have made a mistake, simply switch to the correct form of address. Extended apologies emphasize the issue, which can be embarrassing. If mistakes continually occur after a reasonable period of time, however, this may be a basis of corrective action.
Q: Is transgender the same as intersex?
A: Transgender and intersex are not the same thing. "Intersex" means the person is born with non-typical sexual anatomy. It says nothing about their gender identity. "Transgender" refers to a person with a gender identity different from their birth sex. An intersex person who decides to change the gender role in which they are living (for example, male to female), may identify as "transgender" as well as "intersex."
Q: Does a person born female who transitions to male consider themselves a man or a woman?
A: In most cases, a person born female who transitions to live as a male considers themselves a man, and should generally be referred to as a transgender man, a transman, or simply a man. By contrast, a person born male who transitions to female considers themselves a woman, and should generally be referred to as a transgender woman, a transwoman or simply a woman.
Q: What is the difference between transgender and gay?
A: Transgender refers to a person who lives in a different gender role from their birth sex, and gay refers to a person attracted to others of the same sex. A transgender person can have any sexual orientation.
Q: Are most transwomen attracted to men? Are most transmen attracted to women?
A: Since sexual orientation is different from gender identity, the fact of transgender identity does not indicate a particular attraction. There is no evidence to indicate that most transwomen are attracted to men, and many are attracted to women. Likewise, there is no evidence to indicate that most transmen are attracted to women, and many are attracted to men.
Q: Do most transgender people have surgery to change their sex?
A: Most transgender people do not have surgery to change sex.
Q: What restrooms do transgender employees use?
A: Restrooms should be made available on the basis of an employee's gender identity, that is, based on their self-identified gender. Co-workers who are concerned about privacy should be directed to a bathroom that allows for more privacy.
Q: What dressing rooms and locker rooms do transgender employees use?
A: Dressing rooms and locker rooms with cubicles for privacy should be made available on the basis of an employee's gender identity, that is, based on their self-identified gender. Co-workers who are concerned about privacy should be directed to a room that allows for more privacy.
Q: What is the difference between non-discriminatory teasing and discriminatory harassment?
A: It is inappropriate to tease or harass co-workers. Comments that reference a person's transgender identity in a derogatory or uncomplimentary fashion, whether jokingly or not, are discriminatory and prohibited. "I'm just teasing" is not a defense to a charge of discrimination.
Answers to questions generated by participants during the session:
Answers by Jillian Weiss and Robyn Ochs
General questions:
What questions, if any, are appropriate to ask in the workplace?
In general, the same standard should apply to all employees, and a great deal depends upon the particular workplace environment. If it is not appropriate to ask of straight employees, then it is not appropriate to ask of bisexual or transgender employees.
How do we handle a situation if we have a transgender or bisexual employee?
If there are more than 20 people in your workgroup, chances are that you already do. Make sure that transgender and bisexual employees are treated with the same respect given to all other employees. Check to determine what policies apply in regard to EEO and benefits, if there is diversity training available, and if there is an affinity group that might be of assistance.
How can you deal with team members and managers who have a phobia about B/T?
Be clear about your company's expectation that all co-workers be treated with respect. Make sure that all employees are aware of your company's nondiscrimination policy. Check into the availability of diversity training. Follow up on complaints and rumors. Individuals have the right to their own views, opinions and prejudices, but they do not have the right to inflict them on others by creating an unsafe work environment for others.
Will my coworkers treat me with respect if they find out I'm bisexual or transgender? What will they think? Will they reject me?
It is impossible to say generally what all co-workers will think, do or say, but the support of the organization is a key factor. If a company has clear rules prohibiting discrimination or harassment, diversity training, diversity champions, affinity groups and partnership benefits, there is a good chance that employees will follow their lead in giving acceptance.
How does one address the question of Judeo-Christian/Islam moral teachings regarding homosexual/bisexual/transgender issues?
One good approach is to note that it is perfectly legitimate to have a religious or moral objection to GLBT issues, but that it is not permissible to discriminate against someone or harass them based on their GLBT identity. This is not about suppressing religious beliefs, but about how we treat co-workers in a diverse civil society.
How can a manager make the work atmosphere comfortable for a bisexual or transgender worker?
Generally, this is accomplished in the same way it is done for other workers: fair and cordial treatment. Comfort is knowing that your manager respects you and your work.
How should employees act around an openly bisexual or transgender person? Is it ok to ask questions about their identity?
It is okay to ask a transgender person what name or pronoun they prefer to use if you are not sure. It is also okay to ask questions when a bisexual or transgender person raises an issue about their identity and you would like clarification of what they said. It is generally not appropriate to ask them questions about their identity out of the blue.
What are the statistics of the percentage of companies (Fortune 500) that have sexual orientation and/or gender identity language in their non-discrimination policies?
87% have sexual orientation policies and 25% also have gender identity policies.
As a manager, how can I help create an inclusive and safe environment for a bisexual and/or transgender employee?
When issues arise regarding GLBT identities, let employees around you know that
How does a coworker appropriately support a bisexual or transgender employee when coming out?
It can be appropriate to make a short and simple statement to an employee who is coming out, noting that they have your support.
Transgender specific questions: (First person pronoun answers refer to Jillian Weiss)
How do I know what to call a transgender employee in terms of name and pronoun?
Generally, transgender employees tell their colleagues what name and pronoun they would like to be called. If you aren't sure, it is appropriate to ask the transgender employee what name and pronoun they prefer.
After learning about a trans or bi employee: What should we tell our suppliers/customers/coworkers? How much is this going to cost us in legal liability and other costs?
It is my suggestion that a meeting be held for co-workers after the transition plan is worked out between the transitioning employee and management. A suggested meeting plan may be found in my (Jillian Weiss') book, Transgender Workplace Diversity. The presence of a transgender employee is not likely to involve your company in litigation, though there are two main sources of risk: discrimination claims by a transgender employee and sexual harassment claims by a co-worker or a third party. The creation of a proper gender transition policy can reduce both risks. I note that I am aware of only three instances of sexual harassment claims by co-workers, and none of the three were successful.
Since our customer is military, how would a transgender or bisexual employee present information, or get a manager to have the employee at meetings?
While current military policies prevent an openly transgender or bisexual person from serving in the U.S. military, military personnel are not prevented from working with an outside contractor who is bisexual or transgender. The question tends to assume incorrectly that military customers are closed to workplace diversity that involves sexual minorities. When and if it becomes necessary to present information on this topic to military customers, the issue should be handled as with any other customer.
What if there are coworkers who are uncomfortable working with a trans or bi individual?
Diversity training is an important component of helping co-workers attain comfort in working with diverse identities. In addition, co-workers should be given contact information of persons whom they can contact to discuss this discomfort and obtain guidance on how to overcome it. Sometimes, people simply need someone to whom they may express their discomfort in order for it to dissipate. You can arrange for an HR manager and an EAP contact to be ready to provide such guidance, and include their information on documentation so that co-workers can contact them. Increasing diversity in the workforce and customer base unquestionably creates discomfort for some based on race, ethnicity, religion and sexuality. It is important that companies develop a comprehensive strategy to address this discomfort in order to continue being competitive in an increasingly diverse world.
What if there are customers who are uncomfortable working with a trans or bi individual? How does a transgender woman sales rep sell to a customer who does not deal well with women?
This is a difficult but not unusual issue, as overt and covert misogyny exists in many places in the business world. There are important differences between retail/guest environments and professional service environments. In a nutshell, retail/guest environments should prepare their employees and managers with scripts responsive to customer questions or comments, whereas professional service firms with long-term clients can arrange for a call from a manager and/or a meeting when an employee working with a client transitions. Ultimately, while customers cannot be forced to work with a trans or bi employee, they also cannot be forced to work with employees of races or religions they do not like. Nonetheless, companies cannot facilitate discriminatory behaviors if they wish to be diversity leaders and avoid liability for discrimination.
How will customers relate to this person? Will they feel comfortable or take their business elsewhere?
This is highly variable in different business environments and with different transgender employees, so there is no single answer to this question. However, I note that I know transgender people who are successful and they work in many different environments - finance, retail, guest services, manufacturing, production, and utilities, to name a few - as well as transgender people who have been unsuccessful. The issue is not so much the fact of their transgender identity as in how well they fit the business environment in which they operate. As a general rule, the large majority of customers don't focus on transgender identity when they receive the goods or services with the quality and price that they want.
What about the concern in a sales organization that having a transsexual employee will be a risk to new business?
While the sales environment is particularly sensitive to personal identity, and there is a risk to developing new business with customers who are homophobic or transphobic, there are also areas of new business with customers who are open to diversity and who value knowledgeable, skillful sales representatives regardless of gender identity. The strategy here need not be to avoid transsexual sales representatives, but to have such sales representatives work in environments where they are likely to succeed and to provide the support necessary to have them succeed. Success in sales is not based on identity, but on skills.
It seems that the majority of transgender issues that I hear discussed are dealing with male to female. What about female to male transgenders, whom I understand often do not have "bottom surgery"? How do you help companies address these issues/concerns?
Experts estimate that there are an equal number of female-to-male (FTM) and male-to-female (MTF) transgender people, though the latter are more visible in society. Companies should not assume that most transgender people are MTF in constructing diversity training. In addition, many transgender people, whether FTM or MTF, do not have "bottom surgery" (genital surgery) due to medical or other considerations. In general, companies should not create policies that use surgery as a dividing line between genders.
How will we cover a transgender person or their spouse with insurance?
Insurance coverage of transgender health benefits are an important new issue. Companies that are diversity leaders have negotiated with their health benefit providers to ensure coverage of hormone and surgical treatments for transgender employees. Studies show that the cost of providing these benefits is low, despite perceptions to the contrary. Regarding coverage of spouses, I note that companies are permitted by law to extend health benefits to domestic partners without benefit of marriage or other registration with the state, although such benefits are taxable to the employee.
Will a transgender person get maternity/paternity leave?
Some transgender people have newborn children, whether through childbearing by themselves, by a spouse or by adoption, and will qualify for maternity/paternity leave in such circumstances as appropriate.
What do you call an individual who was born with both sexual organs? How should that individual be treated on the job regarding bathrooms?
There are several medical conditions that cause ambiguity in gonads, chromosomes and/or hormones at birth. These are called "intersex" conditions, sometimes known as DSD, Disorders of Sexual Differentiation. These occur visibly in approximately 1 in 2000 births, about 5 infants per day in the U.S., although the incidence of undetected intersex conditions is closer to 1 in 200 births. It should be noted that it is very rare that a person will be born with two fully formed sets of genitals, nor do most persons born with an intersex condition consider themselves both male and female, and so the older term "hermaphrodite," which implies that a person is both male and female, is considered inaccurate as well as pejorative. Most intersex conditions are addressed by medical intervention early in a person's life, although the benefits of early surgical intervention are coming under increasing scrutiny, and most adults born with intersex conditions have only one set of genitals and present unambiguously as male or female. For these reasons, it is very rare to find that a person with intersex conditions needs special accommodations regarding bathroom usage.
How do you incorporate old documentation that says one gender, when everything else says the other?
Generally, companies do not change older records that refer to a different name and gender. Rather, when the employee begins living in the new name and gender, they usually incorporate the change into their HR databases, such as PeopleSoft, and use the new name and gender on newly created records.
How do you have employment applications not "out" someone who is transgender?
I am not aware of any way to construct an employment application to avoid this problem. This is a difficult issue because the purpose of an employment application is to request historical information, such as previous names and previous employers, and often involves consent to a background check. This will require a transgender person who has transitioned in the recent past to advise the potential employer of their change in gender status in order to avoid confusion. (Transgender people who transitioned prior to the age of first employment, or more than 5-10 years previously and have a substantial work history in their new name and gender, and are not as affected by this issue.) Transgender people have the right not to reveal their gender transition, but then they must forfeit previous experience in their field and risk employers feeling deceived when and if their gender transition comes to the attention of the employer.
When do names and pronouns change: when the person has sex reassignment surgery or when they begin the transition process?
Generally, names and pronouns change when a person starts living in the new gender, rather than when they have sex reassignment surgery (SRS). The medical protocols require that SRS can only occur after one year of living in the new gender, which includes use of opposite sex name and pronouns.
How might the dynamics of our working relationships change if a different gender identification is expressed? Affection, touch, etc.
Some transgender people undergo profound emotional and behavioral changes upon living in a new gender, whereas others do not. Some find, for example, that they walk and talk differently, or that their sexual orientation changes along with their gender. As a society, our ways of relating to women are different from our ways of relating to men, and you may find that you are learning to relate to your co-worker in a new way as much as he or she is learning to relate to the world in a new way.
What bathroom accommodations are appropriate? How do we do logistics?
Bathroom accommodations vary according to business environment, so it is impossible to make a general statement. I think it's important to note that this is one of the most important decisions in creating a successful workplace transition, as it sends a loud signal to other employees about the company's support for the transgender employee. There are many issues to consider here, but generally, I recommend five criteria for use in making decisions about bathroom accommodations, as discussed in detail in my book, Transgender Workplace Diversity. I note that sex reassignment surgery is generally not a useful criterion in making such decisions.
What about this employee concern: I don't feel comfortable with someone of the opposite sex in the female bathroom.
Someone who transitions from living as a male to living as a female is not "of the opposite sex" in the female bathroom. To the extent that some female employees may disregard the transition, this is a matter of company policy and education. In my experience, when the transition is handled well very few women are actually uncomfortable, and the few that are tend to become more comfortable with time. It may be appropriate to designate a particular public restroom for use by the transgender person, so that those who may be uncomfortable can use a different one. Requiring the transgender person to use a private restroom for the rest of their tenure at the company is not generally a viable solution, although its use on a temporary basis for a few months may be appropriate in some circumstances. I have a detailed discussion of these issues in my book.
How do you educate employees about the rights of transgender people to use their identified gender bathroom?
Generally, when an employee transitions on the job, it is appropriate to have a meeting of co-workers to explain company policies on the issue, including the company policy on bathroom use.
Why can't we just take "M/F" signs down and have just "restrooms" on the sign?
There are places with unisex restrooms, and these seem to work quite well. However, there is a strong cultural preference for separate restrooms, and unisex restrooms remain a relatively isolated phenomenon.
When would it be necessary or appropriate to have a transgender person use a private restroom? I'm trying to understand how giving different treatment in this way is beneficial to the individual...is it because of the need for a stall for privacy?
A private, single use restroom would be appropriate when the transgender employee desires additional privacy and expresses unreadiness to use public rest rooms. It would also be appropriate as an initial step in an environment where co-worker response is likely to be negative to use of the public rest room. Often, after a period of adjustment of some months, a switch to use of the public rest room can be accomplished with less controversy.
If Washington State law requires a drag queen to use the men's room, because the individual has male sexual organs, why is a transgender individual who has not had a reassignment surgery not required to do the same?
A "drag queen" is a man who dresses in a female costume for purposes of performance. I am not aware of any specific Washington State law that contains such a requirement. My research seems to indicate that Washington State law is silent on the question of drag queens and, in fact, rest rooms. Given the strong cultural preference for separation of the sexes in public rest rooms, however, I believe it would be good advice for any man who is performing in female drag to avoid public controversy (and the police) by staying out of the women's rest room. Nonetheless, this does not implicate surgery as a dividing line in law between the men's room and the women's room.
How should we address locker room issues?
Generally I use the same criteria for locker room issues as for bathroom issues, with the addition that there be places where one can dress and shower within the locker room so as to avoid the public gaze. I have more discussion of this in my book.
Bisexual specific questions:
What questions, if any, are appropriate to ask in the workplace?
The answer to these questions will depend upon the individual environment. A basic guide to follow is to ask yourself, "What topics and questions are appropriate to ask of heterosexual co-workers in my workplace?" Apply this same standard to all.
What is the purpose of talking about sexuality at work? Why is it necessary for someone to bring up being bisexual in the work environment?
It's not necessary, but sometimes one's sexual orientation is difficult to avoid. Talk about partners and spouses often comes up in some work environments, and something as simple as who was that who dropped you off at work this morning can bring up the issue. At this point, not talking about sexuality is more work than bringing it up.
What about conversational limiters who avoid asking you about your life for fear of offending you, or worse yet, being open to a discrimination case?
There is no requirement that co-workers discuss their personal lives at work, so if a person prefers to keep conversation limited to work topics, that is perfectly acceptable.
Is it safe to ask co-workers about their sexual orientation to open up discussion?
It is generally considered impolite to inquire after a co-worker's sexual partners unless they bring it up first.
How do we appropriately engage bisexual employees when hosting events that include significant others?
Engage them the same way you would engage heterosexual, lesbian or gay employees. Don't make assumptions about their relationships or marital status. When issuing invitations, use language that is broad and inclusive. Invite employees "and guests."
What about the scenario that a co-worker finds out the other co-worker is bisexual and assumes that the individual is attracted to them and fears harassment?
A false stereotype about bisexuals is that they are attracted to everyone. If the co-worker expresses concern, think about ways to point out and dispel this individual's misassumption. Does s/he think that every opposite-sex co-worker is attracted to him/her as well? Of course not.
If I come out as bisexual, how do co-workers know I'm not hitting on them and I'm not interested in them?
Savvy co-workers will understand that it's not true. One of Robyn's favorite pins is one that says, "I'm bisexual and I'm not attracted to you." If a co-worker indicates their belief that bisexuals are attracted to everyone, it would be appropriate to explain that this common stereotype is mistaken.
Some people get hung up on the "sex" part of bisexual. Is the term "bi" appropriate to be used in place of bisexual?
It depends on the formality and level of knowledge in the environment. "Bi" is a slightly informal usage, so it might not be understood clearly. There's nothing pejorative, however, in the use of the shortened term.
How can I find out my family's benefits? What resources does my company have?
Ideally, this information should be easily accessible on your company's website, and in your company's personnel manual. In addition, HR professionals should know your company's policies. If this is not yet the case, and you are not in a position to initiate these changes yourself, please consider requesting that this information be provided. And straight allies, this is something that you can also take on.
If I tell my manager that my partner is same sex, will I lose benefits for them?
Most benefit forms currently ask the sex of a partner requesting benefits, so it is unlikely your company wouldn't know.
How do you respond to employees thinking that bisexual flirting is sexual harassment?
I respond that they are correct. Flirting, at least to the extent that it involves overtly suggestions of sexual activity, may constitute sexual harassment. "Bisexual flirting," just like heterosexual flirting and homosexual flirting, is not appropriate in the workplace.
Is a bisexual person gay?
A bisexual person is someone who has the potential to be attracted to people of more than one sex. Some bisexual people have same-sex partners, others have other-sex partners, others are single, and others may be involved with or dating more than one person. Some bisexuals consider themselves gay, or part of the "gay community."
Are more women bisexual than men?
According to a 2002 study by the Centers for Disease Control, 6 percent for males and 11 percent for females between 18-44 had same-sex contact in their lifetimes. When asked about self-identity, 90% of women said they think of themselves as heterosexual; 1.3% of women think of themselves as homosexual; 2.8% of women think of themselves as bisexual. For men, 18-44 years of age, 90% responded that they think of themselves as heterosexual, 2.3 percent of men answered homosexual, 1.8 percent bisexual, 3.9 percent "something else" Note that in terms of identity, more than twice as many women as men consider themselves bisexual, while more men identify as homosexual than bisexual. Other studies have shown that men are more likely than women to experience their sexual orientations as fluid.
As a manager, what type of questions can I ask to make employees feel included? How do I make a GLBT person feel comfortable around me?
This depends to a great extent on your business environment, and generally questions should neither be too personal nor too numerous. If people in your work environment ask each other about their home lives, then you can ask GLBT employees the same questions you would ask of anyone else. If you're not sure what questions are appropriate, ask yourself "would I feel comfortable asking this question of a heterosexual colleague?"
On what level can I relate to them? I'd like to chat and be friendly, but feel like they may be uncomfortable around me. For example, if a lesbian is in the women's restroom and we meet, do I shake her hand or how do I engage in conversation?
GLBT people are as well-versed in social conventions as anyone else, and engage in the same friendship practices. If you meet another woman, whether she is straight, lesbian or bisexual, and you want to be friendly, you can use the usual formulation of "Hello my name is...." Shaking hands is usually reserved for more formal occasions, but some people do it on meeting anyone new. If it is your practice to shake hands, go for it, but there is no need to do anything different because the new person is lesbian or bisexual. She will not assume you are interested in a date, nor should you assume she is. The usual rules apply. Try to relax.
As a hiring manager, what questions can I ask a potential employee to test their tolerance and acceptance?
It could be appropriate to suggest a scenario and ask how it might be addressed, such as how the candidate might handle a position supporting a GLBT employee. Find out how the candidate might go about creating a comfortable environment within the team, particularly if there are others who are uncomfortable. I would suggest staying away from questions with an overtly moral, religious or political theme.
What bathrooms do bisexual people use?
"Bisexual" refers to one's sexual orientation, i.e., choice in romantic partners. It does not imply any ambiguity in one's sex or gender. Therefore, bisexual people use the bathroom appropriate to the gender they present.
If you switch partners and they are the other gender than a previous partner, what is a proactive approach to address co-worker concerns?
This depends greatly on one's business environment and personal openness. In some environments, the issue is never going to come up. In other environments, it is usual for co-workers to discuss spouses and partners, and it is in such environments that one needs to be prepared to address surprise at the partner's gender, or assumptions about changing sexual orientations. One proactive approach might include mentioning one's partner when others discuss theirs, and being prepared to explain your new partner's sex. For example, a woman might say, "Yes, my partner Suzy and I went to that restaurant and we really liked it." If and when someone asks about Suzy or expresses surprise that there is a new partner, the employee can explain, "Suzy and I have been together for two months." Some people might want to further explain, "I haven't changed my sexual orientation - I'm bisexual."
If a bi person asks a manager about coming out and the manager says, "Don't," is it sexual harassment?
Sexual harassment refers to harassment based on one's sex, including subjection to a pervasively hostile work environment based on one's sex. This scenario involves conduct based on sexual orientation, rather than being male or female. Conduct based on sexual orientation (real or perceived) may, however, violate laws and policies prohibiting sexual orientation discrimination. Saying "don't" is probably not, by itself, harassment (we'll leave that to the lawyers to decide), but if there is other negative conduct based on coming out, it may constitute harassment and/or discrimination.
Scene Four was the fourth session of the 2007 NW Diversity Learning Series, Life Theater - Inclusion and Engagement: Challenging and Expanding My Diversity Competency: Moving Beyond My Comfort Zone. The Series, held in Seattle, WA, is organized by The GilDeane Group, publishers of DiversityCentral.com.
Presenters were Jillian Weiss, Ph.D., J.D. Principal Consultant, Jillian T. Weiss & Associates, and Assistant Professor of Law and Society, Ramapo College of New Jersey, Mahwah, NJ, and Robyn Ochs, Ed.M., a professional speaker on bisexual identity and editor of Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Boston, MA.